A few years ago I was faced with a decision that rocked my view of the world…should I continue to keep in contact with a friend that had been in my life for many years? My friendship with Sophie was a strong one…she is intelligent, has a great sense of humour and we could talk and laugh about anything for hours and hours. Sounds great doesn’t it…??
Well it was!… UNTIL…. Sophie became obsessed over a failed relationship and became increasingly bitter and angry towards her ex-partner and the world in general.
Every time we caught up for a coffee or a meal…Sophie would complain about EVERYTHING and of course EVERYONE else was to blame for every event in her life except for her. Our get togethers progressively became more and more painful. I tried to help her take responsibility and let go of her anger and I suggested many strategies but Sophie was hanging on to it for dear life. I even tried to take her through one of my programs but she resisted. Unfortunately this misery had taken control of her life and it had become a shield that she hid behind, she allowed it to define her. I would have loved to have helped her, but, I realised that I can only help those who want to be helped.
Even though I realised that I was no longer enjoying my time with Sophie, we continued to have regular catch ups as I felt that this is what I SHOULD to do to be a good friend
Then, a few years ago, it came to me…….. The one thing I now know with certainty about every area of my life is …I HAVE A CHOICE… I can keep spending time with Sophie and feel energetically & emotionally depleted, drained and resentful afterwards….OR…….. I can choose to let her go from my world and understand that friendships do NOT need to continue just because they started at some point in the past.
When I initially decided on this course of action, I felt guilt which did disperse as I understood that in order to feel happy in my life, I had to be empowered in every area of my life and if that meant letting go of a long standing friendships …so be it! I know that this may seem a little cold and I am not saying that we should turn our backs on our closest friends just because they are going through hard times, but according to motivational guru, Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” and Sophie was dragging my average way down!
I CHOOSE TO FEEL FABULOUS when I catch up with friends. Friends who give me something back, friends who give me support, friends who make me laugh A LOT!
QUESTIONS TO ASK ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS
- Do you look forward to catching up with them?
- Do you feel DEPLETED or ENERGISED after catching up?
- What does this friendship give you? Interesting conversation, some good belly laughs, support?
MAKE A DECISION TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL FABULOUS TOO!!