Last weekend was our 12th Wedding Anniversary. My husband (Jon) & I have agreed that rather than spending money on gifts, we spoil ourselves by enjoying a couple of days away from home in a nice hotel or B&B and that’s what we have been doing every year. We love this system as we get a chance to spoil each other and take the stress out of buying gifts (not that there is anything wrong with giving or receiving gifts).

Last Sunday morning we awoke, bleary eyed and ready to exchange cards. Jon presented what looked like a book wrapped in shiny white paper. “That’s not a card!” I exclaimed as I hand over my card. I immediately thought that he had broken our rules. “Yes it is… it’s a card” – he assures me.

I tentatively unwrapped the gift to discover a lovely red book with the title ‘365 Days’ and on the first page there was a lovely message written to me with a promise that he would write something for me every day for 365 days and he invited me to do the same.

What an amazing idea! A Love Book! I’m the therapist in this marriage and yet my husband came up with a brilliant therapeutic tool! WOW! I loved the idea, even though I was sceptical about Jon committing to writing a love note to me every day for 365 days, I was very happy that he fully intended on doing this act of love!

Our very own 365 Shades of Grey.

Back at home, on day 2, we had a brief unpleasant exchange over a completely insignificant event. That night, I thought that Jon would forget to write anything more in our Love Book, but I was wrong and I was… so, so happy to be wrong!

I opened the book to write my own love message for the day and was pleasantly surprised to find that Jon had already written his. He wrote that he couldn’t believe he became upset over something so trivial and wrote a lovely love message that more than made up for our earlier exchange.

I went to bed with a lovely warm fuzzy feeling about our relationship as we corrected the wrongs of the day and reinforced our love with our love notes. This will be our new routine until our next anniversary.

This small daily injection of love in our marriage is great because no matter what happens during the day, we find a lovely message in our Love Book at the end of the night.

Romantic Love cannot last forever. Romantic love grows into a mature love where the romance will be invigorated with persistence and hard work. That’s right! Great marriages are not effortless; like anything in life you must work at it. Sow the seeds and you reap the rewards. Do nothing and you will get nothing in return.

5 tips to a spicy love filled relationship

Buy yourself a Love Book. Use it to write anything you like to your loved one. Invite them to join you. Spice it up with some naughty suggestions or invitations. Remember that you don’t need to write an essay, just something from your heart. Be spontaneous and don’t think about it too much
Always treat each other with respect and never ever treat each other worse than you would a work colleague. It is not OK to be abusive, swear or demean each other. You wouldn’t treat a work colleague like this, so why the person you love.
Do something DIFFERENT. Introduce a date night. Remove yourselves from the drudgery of routine on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to be expensive. You can go for a coffee, a drink, a lovely dinner or an indulgent weekend. You could spend a whole night in without the TV. Wine, cheese, and riveting conversation and focus on each other. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do as long as you make it a priority and do it.
Tell your partner what you need. They cannot read your mind even though you believe they ‘should’ be able to by now! You need a hug, a conversation – more sex? – then tell them so they can do something about it and whilst you are at it… ask them what they need!
Never go to bed with unresolved issues hanging over you. Sort it out now and you will have a clean slate tomorrow.